How to Build Resilience

In the arena of life, we all fall down from time to time.  Some folks hop up quickly to their feet. Some stay down for only a short period of time. Others take nearly the full count before they stagger to their feet.  Resilience is one of the differences in these outcomes. 

Fortunately, resilience is not an all-or-nothing skill. It can be developed and built upon. It certainly is no coincidence that resilience is a common trait of high achievers.

What Is Resilience?

Resilience is defined in Webster’s dictionary as “an ability to recover from or adjust easily to misfortune or change.” It’s our ability to “get hit and keep moving forward.”

Another way to view resilience is to think about what happens when a shape has been deformed. How quickly is it able to regain its original shape? The speed and ability with which the shape regains its original form is resilience.

How to Build Resilience?

If you want to cultivate resilience in your life, below are some simple strategies to get you started.

Accept Change

Change is a part of life.  Some changes are more pleasant than others but change happens.   Focusing on the things that we cannot change is likely to only bring despair and frustration.  Resilient people are able to accept change for what it is.   By not spending time and energy resisting change, resilient people can focus on the next steps in their growth and the things they can change. 

Count Your Blessings and Your Past Success

Practicing daily gratitude is one of the best ways to improve your self esteem and thus build your interior resilience.   As with any type of training, you need to do this daily in order to see good results.

Each day you will identify things that you are grateful for and things that you have accomplished.  These can be big things, like your health or finishing a large, multi-step project. They can also be more mundane things, like fluffy slippers or getting to an appointment on time.

So select a person in your life who you trust and ask them if you can text them for 30 days 3 things that you are grateful for and 1 thing you accomplished that day.   Only rules are that you cannot repeat anything during the 30 days and that there’s no shame in forgetting a day – you just pick up the next day and keep going.   This sounds easy but you will be amazed how much you will stretch and grow in daily counting your blessings and accomplishments. 

This builds resilience by giving you a reservoir of positive experiences to lean on when you do get knocked down. Having a large pile of positive past wins will help you get your feet back under you quickly when the rug has been pulled out from under you.

Reframe Your Failures

Nelson Mandela is quoted as saying, “I never lose, I only learn.” This is a perfect example of reframing failure. Failure is just feedback on how to be successful using a different method. When you understand this, as Mr. Mandela says, you learn.

Reframing what failure is allows you to bounce back quickly. It allows you to quickly get up on your feet again. You have learned something from this experience and can move forward again.

When I was first back in the dating scene (at an, um, riper older age) I reframed my definition of success in dating to no longer be “finding a spouse” or even “finding a boyfriend” to simply learning something new about myself in relationship.   Because when my definition of dating was to find a spouse I was constantly failing at dating and it was depressing.   Once I reframed the definition for myself, I enjoyed dating again. 

Pull the Parachute of Your Support System

Your support system is there to do just that… support. This is the time to lean on your support system. Your friends, family, or mentors are able to help pick you up or lend a hand when you are down. Don’t be afraid to ask for help when you need it. It’s not a sign of weakness. It’s an opportunity to exercise resilience.

Anchor Yourself in Your Core Values 

Core values are the fundamental beliefs you hold – whatever those might be. They make up the bed rock that is immovable while the water rushes around you. In the moments when you need to find your feet, you need to place them on the foundation of your core values.

When you know you have an immovable foundation, you can have reliance. You know your footing is sure. You won’t be falling down into the depths of despair.

Resilience is something that you can grow and develop. You can increase your ability to keep moving forward, to keep fighting. You might not achieve every goal you make, but when the final bell rings, you will still be standing.