If it’s hysterical, it’s historical.

This one phrase has helped me figure out so much.  If my reaction to something happening today is hysterical (or out of proportion), then my reaction is mostly about something historical in my life – not about the thing happening the present moment.  Once I got it, it was like, duh!  That makes so much sense.  But until I heard it put that way I just hadn’t understood so many of my reactions (okay, over-reactions) and hurt feelings in life.

Example:  I was sexually assaulted on a first date and took the case to court.   Sexual battery cases are hard to prove (he said/she said) and so the defendant ended up being acquitted.   One of the reason the trial felt particularly painful was because walked away feeling like I hadn’t really been heard.

Two months later at work I am asked to be part of a committee to examine project processes.   That committee gets “hijacked” and I end up feeling like my viewpoint isn’t been heard or valued.   I retreat from the committee and feel extremely hurt by the experience.  It takes me a few weeks to realize that the committee is just kind of the way things happen sometimes in business and that no one was singling out my opinion to discount.   The committee just kind of went down a rabbit hole as committees sometimes do.

My reaction was really all about my feelings at the trial which I hadn’t yet dealt with.  I was walking around with this enormous wound and needing people to really pay attention and listen to me.  Well you know what, folks at the office are just doing their regular thing.   So I’ve got take that need for extra special listening to some safe folks in my life and talk to them.   Heal my wounds a little better and then I can re-engage at the office in a right sized way.

I could provide dozens of examples.  Now that I am aware of the pattern I can see where my past history creeps into the present moment.  I’ve learned that when my reactions to an experience are super intense I can examine both the current and historical elements of my reaction and get to more grounded place quicker.    Leave comments below and share your experience, strength & hope around the connection between your past interfering in your present emotional state.