Traits of Toxic People in Your Life and How to Survive

People with toxic personality traits are just a part of life. We’ve all been faced with them and it’s likely that every one of us has allowed a toxic person to get the better of us. We all have at least one of them in our social (or professional) circle. In a perfect world, you could simply cut them out and walk away. Unfortunately, not every situation is as simple as ghosting someone or cutting them out.  But there are ways to learn to survive and get along with even toxic people. 

The damage that toxic people can do isn’t always obvious. In fact, the damage is subtle. You start to question yourself, believing that perhaps you’re over-sensitive or reacting poorly. You question your own feelings and opinions. It’s important that you recognize harmful behavior and know how to minimize its impact. It’s just as important to understand that you cannot change their behavior, you can’t change toxic people.  You can learn to change your reaction to them and the impact they hold over your life. 

One of the first steps to managing people with toxic personality traits is understanding what it is that makes them view you as prey. Understand, this doesn’t mean you are to blame. However, there is something about you that has caused this person to latch on. Perhaps it’s because you’re too nice to put your foot down, it could be fear or something else. So, first think a little bit about what it is about you that could potentially invite these people to try and take advantage of you. Now, let’s take a look at 3 common traits of toxic people and how you can survive.

Trait #1:  They Keep You Guessing

You never know which version of this person will appear. One day they are the nicest person on the planet and the next, they act as though you kidnapped their favorite belonging. There is no obvious explanation as to why their attitude has changed, you just recognize that it has. You can ask what’s wrong, but they’ll tell you there’s nothing wrong. You might even make excuses for their behavior.

Don’t try to please toxic people. They know exactly what they’re doing and they will have you jumping through hoops.  Let them be.  You don’t control their feelings, nor are you responsible for them. If you have genuinely done something to hurt someone, then you can apologize and talk about it. Otherwise, do you best to detach with compassion and caring. 

Trait #2: They Will Manipulate You

Do you feel like you’re the only person who is actively contributing to a relationship? Then, you might be right.  People with toxic personality traits are adept at manipulating people into making others into believing that you owe them. They’re also incredibly good at doing things that hurt you but selling it as an attempt to help. This is something that often occurs in a professional environment. The toxic person makes out as though they are doing you a massive favor, but what they’re really doing is putting you in an impossible situation and acting as though it’s to your benefit.

Don’t fall for this. If someone acts like they’re doing you a favor, but it doesn’t feel like one… then, it may not be.   Learn to trust your instincts and seek out other more objective people for advice and counsel if you are repeatedly being hurt.    A third party may be needed to help sort out the truth of a situation whether that is a therapist in a relationship or an HR person at work. 

Trait #3: They Don’t Own Their Own Feelings

People with toxic personality traits will project their thoughts and feelings onto others. In this situation, it’s you. They feel angry, but instead of owning that they accuse you of being the angry one. They will force you to prove yourself and all of a sudden you are playing defense. 

If you are clear on your own feelings, you will also know exactly when someone else is projecting onto you.   Practice naming your feelings and building your own sense of self-esteem.  You can also check out our article on Opening your Mind to new Opportunities.   With a solid sense of self you will be able to hold your own boundaries and call out someone who is trying to project.  Teach people that they cannot project their feelings onto you and hold you hostage to the whims of their interior emotional world. 

If you feel out of control and overwhelmed by toxic people in your life, remember these 3 strategies for survival: 1) detach and don’t try to endlessly please 2) get a third party perspective 3) build your own self esteem.